Kiran Saggu: 10 jobs men hate when women have
REVEALED!
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REVEALED! 〰️
Edinburgh Fringe 2024 is here! And so is our annual features series. This year, it’s all about REVELATIONS: the gossip, the mysteries, the spies and the moles. Because everyone knows you can’t keep a secret at Edinburgh Fringe…
Kiran Saggu is making her Edinburgh Fringe debut with her show Slacks. As a woman, she has a job and that is frankly un-chic in this day and age but sometimes unavoidable. To help the rest of us, she has compiled a list of the jobs you — a woman — should avoid if you want a man.
By Kiran Saggu
In 2024, many women have jobs. Some even have “careers”. But not as many women have… a boyfriend. In my many years of life I’ve learned that there are a few jobs that men absolutely HATE when women have. There comes a point in life where a girl must choose: Follow your dreams and contribute to society? Or be placid enough that men find you attractive?
They say standing behind every successful man is a woman… but how can you stand behind him if you’re at work? If you want to find a man, or keep yours happy – STEER CLEAR of these jobs!
1. Scientist
If you’re at the brink of making any ground breaking discoveries that may advance the human race, your boyfriend might not think you have enough time for him. Sexy scientist costumes are always welcome though! Ditch the lab and maybe he’ll buy you a new bag.
2. Therapist
You’re a woman so… you should be doing that for free.
3. Vice President of the United States
A little too powerful me thinks! It’s very unattractive to be helping a geriatric MAN run a country and be so giggly about it.
4. Athlete
You must not excel physically compared to your man. If you already have had a history in athletics, that’s okay. It’s not your fault. To reassure your man, tease him a little bit! The next time you’re walking, challenge him to a spontaneous race to the end of the street and make sure he wins!
5. Comedian
There is no reason you as a woman need to be funny. The latest sociological and anthropological studies say that there is no evolutionary advantage to women being funny. Just research it yourself! But don’t research so hard that you become a scientist.
6. Cop
Physically enforcing the law is men’s business. But don’t be afraid to put on a sexy police uniform once a year just to switch things up! Actually, a lot of these careers would actually be better off as a sexy costume.
7. Consultant
No one really knows what that job is, and confusing him will be a huge turn off.
8. President of the United States
Never has been – and never will be! Keep your emails private and demure.
9. Actor
How can they trust you?
10. Doctor
Having this job would entail you being at least in your late twenties so you’re already disqualified from male desirability! Sorry.
I know this article may beg the question: how do I pretend to be self-sufficient for the time being to, you know… pay my rent and afford to live before I acquire a man? I would recommend something feminine and relaxed like a “brand ambassador” or “awareness raiser”. They’re ambiguous enough “jobs” that men won’t feel threatened by and also will be a great way to keep yourself occupied when your man is out of town at an important conference or day party!
When in doubt, follow this rhyme: Ensure sure your job doesn’t make you a THREAT or make you SWEAT, and you’ll have a happy man – with no regret!
Kiran Saggu: Slacks is at Underbelly Bristo Square (Clover) from Jul 31st-August 26th (except 12th), 3:55pm. Tickets here
Read more about Edinburgh Fringe 2024:
