Katie Green: How to make your life like the Bachelorette
REVEALED!
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REVEALED! 〰️
Edinburgh Fringe 2024 is here! And so is our annual features series. This year, it’s all about REVELATIONS: the gossip, the mysteries, the spies and the moles. Because everyone knows you can’t keep a secret at Edinburgh Fringe…
Katie Green is making her Edinburgh Fringe debut with ¡Ay Mija! Here, she gives us the scoop on how to make your life into the ultimate dating show.
By Katie Green
Has it always been your dream to go on the dating show, Bachelorette? But you keep applying and not one email you've sent has gotten a response? Are you single and have given up on dating apps?
What you need to do is throw yourself an epic birthday party, where you exclusively invite all of your past lovers, flings, one night stands, the one that got away. Every person you've ever thought, "hmm, well maybe I could spend my life with them." I'm talking everyone. Your best friend's brother, or your best friend's cousin, or maybe even your best friend. Invite everyone you've ever fancied in your life, everyone. The guy that works at your local coffee shop that tells you to "have a great day" so then all day you're like, wow he's a good guy I wonder if he's single? The guy who you work with who kinda annoys you because he’s one of those “you just can’t say anything anymore!” bros, but then you'll find yourself randomly daydreaming about sleeping with him because, well, opposites attract.
Invite the bus driver, the corner shop guy, the postman, invite literally all your options to your big birthday party. Then have the party set up to put the male ego in overdrive. I’m talking protein shake cocktails with creatine garnish, a wrestling ring instead of a dance floor, one of those punch strength games from the fair. Then, after a short time of all of your possible suitors mingling and starting to naturally compete, you make your grand entrance where you look stunning, the absolute best you've ever done. And when you walk into the party you finally reveal that it’s not actually your birthday, but it's a way for all of your crushes to try to win you over.
Then they will all fight over you, and the winner will become your life long partner and it will be the best story ever, you're welcome.
Katie Green: ¡Ay Mija! runs at Pleasance Courtyard (Baby Grand) from Jul 31st-Aug 25th, 9:35pm. Tickets here
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