Is Kate Cheka the new messiah?
REVEALED!
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REVEALED! 〰️
Edinburgh Fringe 2024 is here! And so is our annual features series. This year, it’s all about REVELATIONS: the gossip, the mysteries, the spies and the moles. Because everyone knows you can’t keep a secret at Edinburgh Fringe…
Kate Cheka is making her Edinburgh Fringe debut with her show The Messiah Comes. Recent studies have shown (studies conducted by Kate) that Kate probably is the messiah and there’s only one way to be sure: lists.
By Kate Cheka
Great news everyone! There is a Second Coming / CUMMING 💦 (because why have one orgasm when you can have two?) at this year’s Fringe and it is the one and only Kate Cheka.
That’s right! SHE has risen to bring peace and goodwill to all… men?? Lol that can’t be right. But the people, she’s here trying to save the world for them, which has got some wondering if she actually is the incarnation of our lord and saviour…
So, to make things easier I made a pro/con list! Because there’s nothing that the disciples love more than a binary. So here goes…
Signs Kate might be the messiah:
Absent father (like god)
Mum unmarried (therefore probable virgin?)
People hate her because she tells the truth
Travels the world spreading the word of the Lorde (Audre Lorde)
Dislikes the French
Has been seen with a beard and a moustache
Likes to hang with the poor and sex workers
Hates people selling stuff and would gladly see the traders tables overturned in the temple
Quite up for being nailed on a hilltop between two other men
Would gladly save humanity and the world (if only someone would let her!! Amirite ladies?!)
Signs Kate is NOT the messiah:
Already 34 (Jesus died 33)
No miracles performed yet (no water walking or the most lucrative… water into wine)
Aversion to men, would be unlikely to be seen in the company of twelve of them
No reported problems with the Roman Empire, in fact by all accounts they’re very supportive of her and her show
Wasn’t born in a manger
Doesn’t preach forgiveness, in fact quite petty and likes revenge
No kings present at birth (an oversight)
Crucially Jesus did not want to be nailed on a hilltop between two other men
Hasn’t saved the world (but perhaps because no one will let her!!)
Okay so we added up the totals and it comes into a count of TEN for Kate being the messiah which beats the ‘not messiah’ category by one point so in all likelihood this is in fact THE Second Coming and wow, so cool you’re all around and fortunate enough to see it. Though obviously this whole thing was written by me (ffs at least Jesus had other people do his writings for him) and so really it came down to how many things I could think of and here we are. Decide for yourself…
Kate Cheka: A Messiah Comes runs 2-25th (except 11th), 12:25pm at the Wee Yurt at Hoots @ Potterrow (Wee Yurt). Tickets here
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