Runi Talwar: 5 Secret Techniques To INSTANTLY Increase Your Luck
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Images: Rebecca Need-Menear
Edinburgh Fringe 2024 is here! And so is our annual features series. This year, it’s all about REVELATIONS: the gossip, the mysteries, the spies and the moles. Because everyone knows you can’t keep a secret at Edinburgh Fringe…
Runi Talwar is making his Edinburgh Fringe debut with ‘Runi Talwar as 'Runi Talwar' in Runi Talwar: The Runi Talwar Story’. Find out how he got so lucky here, with these five handy tips:
By Runi Talwar
Luck — that elusive and mysterious force in all of our lives, often credited with shaping destinies, tilting the scales of fortune, and explaining why none of your TikTok videos have gone viral despite being really, really good in your opinion.
It's a phenomenon that humans have spent millennia trying to understand and control, without much success or, ironically, luck — until now.
A radical new study has recently been conducted into the nature of luck and fortune — and the results are staggering. By analysing decades of data from participants around the world, researchers claim that they have uncovered five fool-proof techniques that can instantly increase the amount of luck in your life.
The study, published in the New England Journal of Medicine and as a series of memes on Twitter, is a dense and difficult read. Luckily for the readers of LMAOnaise, I — comedian and luck-enthusiast Runi Talwar — have done the hard work for you, and have summarised each of the five techniques to eternal fortune into small easy-to-digest paragraphs perfect for listicle-based consumption.
1. Start Every Day With Positive Affirmations
According to the study, one of the easiest ways to increase the amount of luck in your life is through the use of positive affirmations. The research indicates that by starting every morning repeating phrases such as "I am lucky," "Good things are coming my way," and "it is completely okay for a grown adult to talk to themselves out loud", you can actually rewire your brain into thinking that otherwise fairly normal things are actually incredibly lucky, instantly increasing the level luck in your life.
Stuck in rush-hour traffic? Consider how lucky you are that you get to live in such a thriving economy. Received the wrong food order? Reflect on how fortunate you are that you now get to freely yell at a poor waiter. Got fired from work for being late because you were saying affirmations to yourself in the morning? Think of all of that free time you'll now have for more affirmations, and more luck!
2. Buy A Laughing Buddha For Your Home
In Buddhism, the Laughing Buddha is a symbol of happiness, abundance, and contentment. Placing a statue of the Laughing Buddha in your home is believed to bring good fortune and wealth, as well as serve as an excellent ice-breaker for when your white friends come over for the first time. Although widely considered a superstition by mainstream science, this study seems to suggest that people who purchase Laughing Buddha statues actually do tend to have more luck in their lives.
In one widely-reported case, a man in Singapore placed a Laughing Buddha statue outside his front door, and less than 12 months later, had gone from living in a studio apartment to a penthouse suite. The man credited his dramatic change in fortune to the luck brought to his life by the figurine, as well as to his thriving business selling custom-made Laughing Buddha statues at a 500% markup.
3. Rub A Lemon Over Your Body Before Any Major Life Decision
One way to increase the level of luck in your life is to decrease the level of unluck — by removing the negative and bad energy from your life, you are left with only positive energy, and then only good things happen forever and ever and nothing ever goes wrong and you become really cool and popular with girls. The study recommends a simple way to do this: by rubbing a lemon all over your body before you make any major life decision.
According to Hinduism, lemons have the ability to absorb bad luck from our bodies, especially if that bad luck is in any way related to having a Vitamin-C deficiency. The study claims that people who regularly rub lemons over their bodies tend to attract more luck into their lives, and the ones that don't attract that luck are still left smelling like a nice air freshener, so win-win really.
4. Offer A Human Sacrifice On The Night Of A Full Moon To The Eldritch God Cthulhu In Order To Temporarily Gain His Favour
Another quirky suggestion from the study to increase the luck in your life is to simply offer a human sacrifice to the ancient Eldritch god Cthulhu on the night of a full moon to temporarily curry his favour. While this one needs a little more setup time compared to the other techniques on the list, if done right, it can be a wonderful way to get some sure-fire good fortune into your life. Sure, you may technically be losing your entire soul for eternity, but it will feel worth it when you find that extra chicken nugget in the 20-pack share-box.
5. Be A Straight White Male With A Rich Father
Sometimes, you can't beat a classic.
Runi Talwar as 'Runi Talwar' in Runi Talwar: The Runi Talwar Story runs at Pleasance Courtyard (Bunker One), July 31-Aug 26th (except 13th), 20.40pm. Tickets here
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