2 Muslim 2 Furious: Aisha Amanduri and Hasan Al-Habib spill their innermost thoughts
REVEALED!
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REVEALED! 〰️
Images: Matt Stronge and Andy Hollingworth
Edinburgh Fringe 2024 is here! And so is our annual features series. This year, it’s all about REVELATIONS: the gossip, the mysteries, the spies and the moles. Because everyone knows you can’t keep a secret at Edinburgh Fringe…
Aisha Amanduri and Hasan Al-Habib are bringing their split bill 2 Muslim 2 Furious to the Edinburgh Fringe. Here, they reveal their innermost thoughts as they vaguely try to date each other.
By Aisha Amanduri and Hasan Al-Habib
Hasan: How are you, Aisha?
Aisha: I’m very…
H: Married?
A: No.
H: When do you intend to get married?
A: This is not in my thinking.
H: Why is your father not returning my calls?
A: He has been plain with you. He shall not speak to you until he can hear, outside his house, the grunts of no fewer than 20 camels.
H: A most unreasonable dowry.
A: There is a cost of marriage crisis.
H: Very well. Let us instead play the following game, 36 questions. An academic study in 1997 concluded that answering them as a pair increases your chances of getting married.
A: I warn you, this is futile.
H: The other idea I have for this article we have to write by tomorrow is us ranking the top 100 UK mosques by minaret height.
A: … How about the top 10 ways to bedazzle your prayer mat?
H: ...
A: Fine, let us begin.
[Both comedians sheepishly put away their respective notebooks filled with listicle ideas vaguely related to being Muslim. Ideas such as: Which Imam reminds you of which cat meme, Best burquinis to beach in, and Top remixes of the “Brother ehh meme”.]
H: If you knew that in one year you would die suddenly, would you change anything about the way you are now living? Why?
A: It’s been great for my mental health but probably I’d stop cliff diving.
H: I don’t th… Ok. You pick one.
A: Hmm… Some of these are really dark.
H: Function and F2.
A: What?
H: Turns the brightness up.
A: Ah yes. Ok, What is your most treasured memory?
H: Do you remember that preview of “2 Muslim 2 Furious” that we did at Top Secret, when I asked that woman in the front row to guess my height and she said “6 ft”?
A: Yes?
H: That.
A: Wasn’t she French? I think they use the metric…
H: I think it’s my turn now. Would you like to be famous? In what way?
A: I am already famous in Kazakhstan for my debut show: “1 Muslim 1 Furious: Laughter show for make Benefit Glorious town of Zhezqazghan.”
H: Yes! You must be devastated about how you-know-who copied your idea and is now a Hollywood star.
A: Naughty naughty! When did you last sing to yourself? To someone else?
H: Yesterday, do you know “If I ain’t got you”?
A: Of course!
H: It’s my Dad’s favourite singer, she’s Lebanese.
A: Really? I didn’t know she…
H: Al - Icia Kayis.
A: Mashallah. Mine is DJ Khalid: “All I do is sin sin sin”
H: Haraam!
“This is getting us nowhere.”
A: What, if anything, is too serious to be joked about?
H: Anything disparaging towards the good people at Laughing Horse Free Fringe Festival or our venue Dragonfly, without whom our show (2 Muslim 2 Furious: Mecca Drift, on everyday at 2pm, except Mondays) wouldn’t be possible.
A: May Allah SWT bless them and grant them heaven.
H: Ameen. What is your most terrible memory?
A: Finding out that our venue is normally a cocktail bar, and that our show is followed by one titled “Shaggers” (where I am also performing from the 8-11th of August).
H: It’s definitely sub-optimal. Do you have a secret hunch about how you will die?
A: Aha! I've always wanted to do martial arts and I am very uncoordinated so maybe that?
H: The ultimate punchline. Although aren’t you always complaining about old guys in pubs saying you look like Jackie Chan?
A: Rich coming from the long lost and ugliest Miliband brother.
H: Wow… So you? Wow. Instead of mastering Kung-Fu, why don’t you finally write some material that’s Kung-Funny?
A: You’re talking to the 2nd runner-up Bath New Act 2024?
H: The 2nd runner up? So you lost to the loser. Meanwhile I won the Birmingham Comedy Festival Breaking Talent Award 2023. I’m the GOAT.
A: I’m so sorry, I didn’t realise I was talking to the best comedian last year from the UK’s worst city, pardon me Grandad. What did you win?
H: A mug.
A: I know who won, I’m asking about the prize?
H: This is getting us nowhere.
A: By the way, price of the bride goin’ up. 30 camels.
[Aisha mounts her whip, a nearby camel named Hammoudi, and trots off into the horizon.]
[Hasan frustratedly opens up Muzmatch and resumes swiping.]
2 Muslim 2 Furious: Aisha Amanduri and Hasan Al-Habib runs at the Dragonfly, August 1-25th (except Mondays). Tickets here.
Read more about Edinburgh Fringe 2024:
